Credit goes to Zane Yamamoto for finding this resource! Thanks, Zane!
Former Republican speechwriter Barton Swaim and Democratic speechwriter Jeffrey Nussbaum wrote a totally pandering bipartisan stump speech for an imaginary presidential candidate - one who espouses only positions that a majority of voters agree with. Here's the speech they wrote, including snarky notes to explain their phrasing, behind-the-scenes tips on appealing to voters, and the data they used to decide which positions to take. An entertaining read.